@Jeff_Ross_MD: BREAKING: President Obama shows solidarity with victims in war-torn countries by posting another selfie with celebrities.
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@The1WhosCrazy: The walk of shame: When you toss a paper ball in trash, miss, then have to go get it.
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what's your biggest weakness? Dwayne Johnson: *sweating nervously* certainly not paper that's for sure
@RobDenBleyker: Someone please help me with my pope resume, so far all I have is "I look fantastic in large hats."
@AristotlesNZ: If I was Penguin's attorney I'd request bail by saying "He's no flight risk!" Then Hi-5 the whole courtroom but Batman. I'd leave him hangin