@Jeff_Ross_MD: BREAKING: President Obama shows solidarity with victims in war-torn countries by posting another selfie with celebrities.
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@erikbransteen: Future Headline: “Trump Caught On Tape Eating Newborn Babies, Hillary Caught Using Friend's Netflix Password Undecideds Still On The Fence”
@Prof_Hinkley: I was doing CPR on a co-worker for 5 minutes before someone told me that's just how she laughs
@Reverend_Scott: [interview] Okay, don't let him know ur a vampire. "What kind of person do u see when u look in the mirror?" OH COME ON
@ceejoyner: The other guy on this cliff screaming at the sky just threw his wedding ring over which makes me feel less bad about losing my kite.