@jwoodham: BREAKING: Scientists send teen girl back in time to report on WWII. "Hitler's haircut is literally the worst," she writes. "Also he's mean."
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@HeyZeus666: Anyone who doesn't believe in life after death has never walked away from a lousy job.
@DanMentos: Gene Hackman is my favorite actor whose name sounds like a job description at Monsanto
@CooperLawrence: Netflix documentaries convinced me I should be vegan. So I did what any American would do. I bought some bacon and canceled Netflix.