@jwoodham: BREAKING: Scientists send teen girl back in time to report on WWII. "Hitler's haircut is literally the worst," she writes. "Also he's mean."
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@ElKnuckelhombre: Wife: Have you seen my curling iron? Me: ...umm, are you talking about the hotdog bun warmer? Wife: ... Me: No, I have not seen it.
@daplusk: I nod and smile at empty places just to confuse any ghosts that might be there into thinking i can see them.
@weinerdog4life: Whenever you ride an elevator with other people, it's best not to mention your imaginary friends even if someone is standing on Carl.