@jwoodham: BREAKING: Scientists send teen girl back in time to report on WWII. "Hitler's haircut is literally the worst," she writes. "Also he's mean."
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@usermcuserface: I love them whole heartedly. I love it when they play with me, and I eat their table scraps. I am essentially my kids dog.
@jordan_stratton: *makes eye contact with beautiful woman across fancy restaurant* Waiter, send that woman a glass of your finest Sprite.
@Bexdora: My Mother worries about me living in London sometimes. I tell her it's not London she has to worry about. I just injured myself on a potato.