@Fred_Delicious: ***BREAKING*** sneaky teens trying to buy booze severely misjudge their height - 300ft trenchcoat behemoth said to contain 57 people
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@rancheroni: football coach: i need you guys to make a play (8 months later at opening night) football coach: wait wtf is this
@JennyJohnsonHi5: The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don't want anymore children living on our street.
@doktorj: As an only child with a pet cat that bullied me, the pool cleaning robot was my closest friend.