@TweetsByTheTony: Brew coffee. Chill coffee. Use coffee instead of water to make Twice-Brewed Coffee. Win Nobel Prize. Begin to glow, levitate. Eat building.
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@alisha_foley: Telling someone they can't be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they can't be happy because others have it better.
@BuckyIsotope: SATAN: welcome to hell ME: thanks SATAN: it says here that you were sent down by heaven for *squints at piece of paper* updog. What’s updog? ME: JUST OWNING THE PRINCE OF DORKNESS WHAT’S UP WITH YOU *jesus appears and high fives me*
@julietactually: Saw this lady taking pics of stuff and I was like your camera is facing the wrong way, psycho