@Underchilde: Bring spoiled food to work enough and your coworkers eventually stop eating anything with your name on it.
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@FatherWithTwins: Me: Guys, please, I just need 5 minutes without a question, so I can finish this. 4yos: Me: 4yos: Me: 4yo: Why do you need 5 minutes, Daddy?
@BeagirlNJ: Top 5 things to ditch in 2017 5. Debt 4. People you don't like 3. Facebook 2. Drama 1. The bodies
@david8hughes: [wife crosses out another baby name off the list] What? What's wrong with Carlos Danger Grenades?
@nerdreign: When I was 16, I thought I could slam and lock my bedroom door in the house my parents paid for. So they took my door. That's 80s parenting.