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@thegatekeeper50: Brings sexy back.
Gets charged $5,275.00 in late fees.
@thagr8short1: Why does my mustard bottle insist on peeing in my sandwich before dispensing my mustard?
@thesulk: "Which would you like, a piano or a motorcycle?" "Yes." (Yamaha)
@AtticusFinch79: [face to face with a serial killer]
Me: So this is how it ends.
SK: Kill you? In this economy? I just needed to borrow a cup of sugar.
@KattsDogma: "I'm sorry I named my daughter 'Paige.' It seemed funny at the time."
- a confession of Nat Turner
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis on a jetski, being pursued by a pug on a smaller jetski