@ibid78: Bro do you even watch The Notebook and weep softly, mourning the eternal nature of love juxtaposed against the fallibility of memory, bro?
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@simoncholland: Based on all the white smoke billowing out, I think my lawn mower just picked a new pope.
@DanKCharnley: [Job interview] Boss: "What's your biggest weakness?" Me: "I have no weaknesses." *clutches picture of the dolphin that killed my father*
@freedom2726: No. YOU misunderstood. I said I've been doing this for awhile. I never said I was any good at it.
@online_shawn: Last night I went to a hardware store with my dad and a lady was leaving the store with a shovel and my dad yelled UH OH SHOVEL TIME at her