@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is talking to a parrot. "I'm Bruce Willis" he says. The parrot repeats it. "yeah right" Bruce says, but is secretly worried
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@lurve_meh: They say kill 'em with kindness but it's much quicker if you just take their phone charger away.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: I call bullshit, airport baby changing station! I wanted an Asian baby but I'm stuck with the white kid I flew in with.
@VerbsRProudest: Yes I wore a $900 fuchsia southern belle dress to your kid's baptism. When I was your bridesmaid, you said I could always wear it again.