@Sassafrantz: "911, what's your emergency?"
Me: A cute guy at the laundromat walked past me while I was folding my period underwear.
@MartaEffing: My date cancelled; said he had an emergency. I just saw him at the
market buying cereal and I thought,
'I agree with his priorities.'
@Mikecanrant: So carrying a "wet floor" sign and putting it down immediately after using your best pickup line on a woman is frowned upon
Dating is hard.
@bornmiserable: you know, nobody ever talks about Pennywise's estranged brother Nickelstupid
@slimmy_shady: Went to the doctor the other day, he told me I had to stop lap-dancing. I asked him why and he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
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