@WarrenHolstein: Burger King is preparing to introduce a new turkey burger. Pigeons are beginning to disappear.
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@Elephart: When my wife forgets to fill up the fishtank I lower the ceiling a few inches every day until she remembers.
@Donna_McCoy: "Just gonna take a little off the top" I whisper, scooping all the icing from your cake with my fork.
@Dawn_M_: Don't judge me because I like 80's music. Judge me because I had a late term abortion because a baby would ruin my holiday plans.
@TheTweetOfGod: Do not squander your short time on earth acquiring worldly possessions. Instead, try to get laid a lot.