@ericsshadow: [burglar gently waking me] you live like this?
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@ItsAndyRyan: I asked my wife for an audio book and she got me an encyclopaedia. That speaks volumes.
@patnspankme: This orange juice says shake well before drinking. *shakes juice and puts back in fridge then opens beer
@bacon_gillepic: Me: Your cat looks pregnant Friend: Impossible it's an indoor cat Me: What have you done