@ericsshadow: [burglar gently waking me] you live like this?
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@pixelatedboat: Doctors recommend that you drink 8 glasses of water a day and don't fall out of a helicopter
@Tmoney68: Why don't those badass UFC guys use their fighting skills to defend themselves against terrible tattoo artists?
@ch000ch: JUDGE: i sentence you to life in prison MY LAWYER WHO IS A HOUSE FLY: nice that's only like 11 days