@stockejock: Butterflies are like regular flies, but they live at Paula Deen's house.
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@Sorrowscopes: Libra: You wake up fastened to a wooden stake. People in goat masks are dancing around a bonfire. We'll be honest. Things don’t look good.
@ag_loco: Things I haven't seen in a while: 1) the 2yo I'm babysitting today 2) a man 3) my waist-line 4) my imaginary goat, Bill 5) my sanity
@Carbosly: When people ask me how old I am, I always say 45. They all think I look AMAZING for my age.
@thatUPSdude: Her; My phones dead let me use yours Me; (throws phone out car window) oh I must of left it at home