@timdonakowski: Butterflies have 1,200 eyes. That means they spend 7 months taking out their contacts every night.
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@david8hughes: [egg store] Me: what kinda eggs are these? Clerk: chicken eggs Me: u got dog eggs? Clerk [holdin up a sign saying meet me out back in 5]: no
@DaddyJew: I put the D in donut. And I do it quickly before any of my coworkers return to the break room *giggles*