@wickedsuga: *buys extra movie ticket seat so I'll have a place to put my microwave bc I'll be damned if I'm paying that much for popcorn
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@nikkithecanuck: Anytime I get something stuck in my throat, I use beer. I call this the Heineken maneuver
@KentWGraham: I don’t think this bowl of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups on my desk is making me as indispensable to the workplace as I had hoped.
@mrtruthandsoul: Our Father, who art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name But Imma call you "Hal" for short, 'k, Chief?
@rolldiggity: "They say penguins can't fly. Can't? Or never got the chance?" I whisper in the penguin's ear, shoving him out of the aircraft.