@wickedsuga: *buys extra movie ticket seat so I'll have a place to put my microwave bc I'll be damned if I'm paying that much for popcorn
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@MableGertrude: Judging people on Twitter is equivalent to an alcoholic showing up to an AA meeting and making fun of all the other drunks.
@CornOnTheGoblin: Welcome to Sarcastic Club Im sooo happy to see you all Anyone know the 1st rule? "Be less sarcastic?" Ooo lets have this guy teach the class
@HeyZeus666: Anyone who doesn't believe in life after death has never walked away from a lousy job.
@LouisPeitzman: If you can't handle me at my fattest, then you sure as hell don't deserve me if I ever lose weight. Which could happen, you don't know.