@KyleMcDowell86: *buys roofies, slips then into girlfriends drink, plays video games for 8 hours straight in peace and quiet*
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@Cpin42: When I was 8, my best friend & I had a big fight. The next week his family moved away. Dave, if you're reading this, I still hate your guts.
@IamEnidColeslaw: drank a Mike's Hard Lemonade & crashed my dirt bike into a mailbox RT @McDonalds Good morning! How was your weekend?
@kcmoore51: 13: I have a friend that doesn't like baseball, chocolate, or bacon. Me: Pretty sure that's not a friend, bro.
@TitansHomer: How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. *drops mic, gets beat by security*