@KimmyMonte: by age 35 you should hate at least 4 neighborhood kids
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@JimGaffigan: When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one should be that happy.
@JohnLyonTweets: "Why buy expensive fireworks when you can make your own with ordinary household chemicals?" I said, and the other patients in the ER agreed.
@beccalynward: Overheard at work: Mom to her little daughter: “what’s that in your hair? Is that a piece of chicken nugget??” Little girl, very excitedly: “YEAH!”
@adult_keverage: "Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It's my first summer.