@BadaBinge: Cake is better than sex because cavities are better than babies
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@mrtruthandsoul: I've decided to take some time off Twitter so I can focus on work and, ok, I'm back
@AndySandford: Other people are gettin these amber alerts, right? Like, it's not up to me to find these kids?
@Vice_Queen: [Me flirting with a twenty something] Him: When last did you get lit? Me: This morning. It was really sunny so I was well illuminated.
@djdarrellripley: Her: What are you reading? Me: "Sex and the Single Guy." Her: What's that about? Me: (Pause) Church architecture.