@goodballs: Call me crazy but you can't follow, star, retweet, and trophy me and then act surprised when I show up to your house in a wedding dress.
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@tinatbh: All my friends look like a Victoria's Secret model and I look like a Victoria sponge cake
@SteussieErica: [Calling guy I met in bar in '91] Me: Remember you said "Call me any time?" Well, I could really use a sitter tonight.
@Swishergirl24: Doctor: You have bronchitis Me: OMG I've always wanted a dinosaur!What do I feed it?