@goodballs: Call me crazy but you can't follow, star, retweet, and trophy me and then act surprised when I show up to your house in a wedding dress.
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@internetluke: Waiter: Is Pepsi okay? Coke: everybody cares to ask about Pepsi. Nobody asks how I am *coke storms off angrily*
@ch000ch: me: an open casket with my vape pen hanging from my mouth wedding DJ: i meant final requests for songs man
@bossy_bootz: I notice you only call when you want something Person calling: ma'am your bill is 90 days past due
@KevinFarzad: Every political Facebook status should start with, "First of all, I have no idea what I'm talking about."