@lazerdoov: Call your boring friend Simon, "Sighmon" he'll never know the difference and you can laugh about it with your cool bros over beers.
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@mattytalks: Funny that Lebron couldn't even finish a game due to cramps when RoboCop saved all of Detroit without even having his own legs
@Mikel_Jollett: Instagram: My life is a party. Snapchat: My life is a quirky tv show Facebook: My life turned out great! Twitter: We're all going to die.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Where were you supposed to poop? 2-year-old: The potty. Me: So why didn’t you? 2: I’m too busy.