@Lunatic_times: It might be a sign you have a drinking problem when the cashier at the liquor store asks if you own a bar.

@kiebi: It's funny how red, white and blue represents freedom until its flashing behind you to pull over

@Brianhopecomedy: I know I did a good job dressing my 3 year old when my wife doesn't have to tell everyone she sees that I dressed her.

@InsouciantMan: Wife sees me naked at least once a day every day. How do you apologize properly for something like that?

@david8hughes: [cat shelter] Me: so u don't test for it but u say none of them have it? Owner: we've never come across a cat with martial arts training, no