@FauxFawx: *calls 911*
Hey, I found some big guns.
*Cops surround the house. I come outside flexing and get shot 263 times.*
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@Donna_McCoy: When an IT person pisses me off I just wait until 4:45pm to crash my computer.
@michaeljhudson: Cop: do u have anything illegal in the vehicle Me: *thinks about all the drugs in the car* no Cop: why did you just say asterisk thinks abo
@AristotlesNZ: So sick of not knowing if a girl's single. We need a symbol "Rings?" Not visible enough "Screw it, lets put a dot on their foreheads" -India
@lildandeli0n: Life is not like a box of chocolates. Life is more like opening the freezer and having everything fall onto you.
@TuSoonShakur: Jeez, try to cash in the “one free back rub” coupon your high school girlfriend gave you on your 15th birthday and her husband gets all apoplectic. There was no expiration date, Carl.
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