@SabotagedSmoke: *Calls timeout during street fight to tie shoelaces*
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@TylerFoFyler: Had a big mix up at the store today, apparently when the clerk said "strip down facing me," she meant my credit card.
@BobTheSuit: Me: So, what do you do for a living? Her: I flip houses. Me: You must have incredible lower back strength. Her: You're an idiot.
@TheRomanParker: Oh, you like Five Guys hamburgers more than In-N-Out? *unfollows *blocks *stews *hires assassin on Craigslist *unblocks to monitor situation
@Marlebean: When you hear your kid shout "HERE, HOLD MY LOLLIPOP!" you know it's about to go down.