@Darlainky: Calm down with that charm bracelet, lady. Every time you move your hand I look around for Santa's sleigh.
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@Sal0630: In a perfect world anyone that said they, “literally died,” would drop dead on the spot.
@Zambah_: Time zones are amazing! Here in New Zealand it's tomorrow, in America it's yesterday and in North Korea it's 1980.
@aka_fatman: Me: Ugh. Something I ate this morning didn't agree with me. [Inside my stomach] Chicken Quesadilla: "The Notebook" was an overrated film.
@mrjohndarby: Cop 1: There's been another murder Cop 2: I think I see a pattern emerging Cop 1: Please. Put your knitting down and focus