@Darlainky: Calm down with that charm bracelet, lady. Every time you move your hand I look around for Santa's sleigh.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Mr_Kapowski: Woman: $150 for mice removal?! Me: Yep *dumps box of snakes* Woman: Get them out! Me: $300 snake removal fee *dumps box of mongooses*
@sofarrsogud: MOVIES: Ok, time for bed kiddo. *child kisses parents and goes to bed MY HOUSE: Time for bed. *mixed martial acrobatics is now a sport
@bellicosejason: A friend just texted me & asked for relationship advice. That's like asking the pope to name all the members of Slipknot.
@iwearaonesie: *walks by HR door for 11th time to see if she's not there so I can take some candy off her desk* HR: Do you need something Josh? me: Nope