@figgled: Can everyone please stop tweeting the clapping emoji it’s making all my lights turn on and off
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@carlyken: My work day has been like the movie Sound of Music. But with less singing. And more Nazis.
@UNTRESOR: The inventor of the USB cable died recently. They're still trying to figure out which way to put his casket in the ground.
@TragicAllyHere: *turns around in my chair and I'm stroking a whole glazed ham in my lap* I've been expecting you.