@mydmac: Can I get a piña colada please.
'This is Starbucks'
Sorry, can I have venti piña colada.
@huntigula: ME: 3 Big Macs please. lol it's my cheat day
CLERK: you ordered the same thing yesterday
ME:[leans in] why don't u mind your own gd business
@JasonLastname: You can lead a horse to waterbed, but you can't make it snuggle.
@CastAwayKristen: Me: Dropped my phone & now screen doesn’t work.
Help forum: Should’ve had a better case.
Apparently, my mother works in Samsung support now.
@badbanana: No thanks, Trix cereal. I have enough drama in my life without a rabbit trying to steal my breakfast.
@ibid78: [internet] if u liked this story on cows dressed as plumbers..
[me] I did
[i] here's a story on panda cops
[barely containing my glee] go on