@buhsbaby_baby: Can I get pregnant from looking at a man in another car, at a red light but then quickly looking away when he looks over?
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@Brampersandon_: [Infomercial] HOST: Wanna learn how to lose up to 15 pounds with one simple trick?!? AUDIENCE: Yes! HOST: Here's how! *rips off his own arm*
@JoParkerBear: My brain forces me to relive traumatic moments over and over and over and over, but it won't tell me where I left my laptop charger.
@chimneyspotter: I would describe most of my social interactions at parties as "when you turn on the kitchen faucet and the water hits a spoon in the sink"
@WheelTod: I'd been using my new hand-mirror for over 6 months before I realized it was actually a framed stock photo of a much less handsome man.