@Home_Halfway: Can I still watch 300 if I haven't seen the first 299
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@weinerdog4life: All I'm saying is if I'm not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
@abbycohenwl: I need an aggressive dog-barking sound on my phone, for whenever anyone knocks on the bathroom door when I'm in there
@JohnLyonTweets: Me: I like how you dyed all the meat green for St. Patrick's Day. Chipotle manager: It's St. Patrick's Day?
@Ideal_Victoria: It's official... My voice is incapable of making, "Thanks. I appreciate that" not sound sarcastic.