@DistractedMomma: Can one of you please tell my ex husband that I died? I feel like it would be more believable coming from someone other than me.
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@AkashThakan: Let me tell you why going outside is not safe. Because chances are after a few days you end up retweeting a joke about yourself.
@Heather2Go: To support all you Movember guys, I'm not shaving my legs this month. To be honest, I probably won't shave in Mecember or Manuary either.
@garrydavenport: My local cinema was broken into last night and goods worth £15,000 stolen: a packet of popcorn and a medium Coke.
@Lisabug74: Started my new healthy diet today. Breakfast is 2 almonds, I lick an apple for lunch, and dinner is yelling at a picture of myself naked.