@myonlymizztake: Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
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@pleatedjeans: Wife: I made you an appt. with the eye doctor Me: [spreading cream cheese onto Destiny's Child CD] MY EYES ARE FINE
@pleatedjeans: I never pay for drinks I just insult women at bars & when they throw drinks in my face I open my mouth haha thanks for the free booze ladies