@TequilaTears: Can you imagine how fast those clowns who make balloon animals can roll a joint.
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@VerifiedDrunk: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day you told me you're gay....
@abhorrent_wife: Volunteer me to do something without checking with me first so I know whose mailbox to leave the dead squirrel in.
@Samigrl2: The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.