@michael_raphone: "Can you make me look like this?" *shows hairdresser a picture of fire*
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@Adar79Angie: If I had to list one thing I'm truly outstanding at I think it would be ripping open resealable bags so they are no longer sealable.
@JPHaddadio: Don't you hate when you take a power nap and wake up 22 hours later and everybody at work is staring at you?
@GrantTanaka: the year is 2046: leggings & cargo shorts have become sentient, the world is very different but we're all pretty comfy
@Fred_Delicious: Me - "did Benjamin Button's pubes fall out or grow back inside his body?" Doctor - "no I meant what seems to be the problem with you"