@michael_raphone: "Can you make me look like this?" *shows hairdresser a picture of fire*
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@itshotterhere: 9: Daddy, what starts with F and ends in UCK? my face: *look of horror* 9: firetruck! What else? me: nervous laugh *pours another drink*
@theoduscrane: I wonder who ate the first egg. Like who said, "I'm a eat the white ball that chicken just shit out."
@Kayditty: Those people that get up and are already home from the gym by 7 a.m. make me believe the movie Men in Black just may be true after all.
@OtherDanOBrien: *Lady gives balloon to my son* ME: What do u say? SON: I WILL CRUSH MY ENEMIES ME: *nervous laughter* No, the other thing SON: Oh. Thank you