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@marcusbuster: can you read it!!??
@teacup_giraffe: You go for a run then post your route to Facebook. I dig a hole on that route then cover it with sticks and leaves. We both get exercise.
@_youhadonejob: Human logic.
@weinerdog4life: Wanna know my secret to rock hard abs? I ride the mechanical duck outside the grocery store 300 times a day.
@BritXNic: "Alcohol doesn't affect me"
*Wakes up with cornrows, a light saber and two taxidermy lizards*
@electrolemon: everyone i ever dated is impressed when i namedrop foreign authors but never bothers to check if they're just ikea product names (they are)