@good2go013: Canada has seasons:
Almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
@Marcmywords2: Ok guys, if anyone asks about what happened to this gallon of ice cream, I was mugged by a family of 8.
@T_N_Crumpets: Me: your dress is too revealing
Wife: wear your own clothes then
@WilliamAder: Just in case the FBI turns on my web cam, I've got a teeny tiny picture of Jimmy Hoffa taped to the lens.
@NicestHippo: *tries online dating*
*tries real life dating*
Ok this is actually worse somehow
@just1fool: There's nothing more pathetic than asking a random woman if she'll sleep with you unless it works because then you're a genius.