@good2go013: Canada has seasons:
Almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
@iAmJuddy: You can't spell 'creative' without 'weed'.
@kashmir_lover1: According to my gym trainer, I need to cut back on drinking
According to my bartender, I look great
Moral of the story: I'm drunk
@Mr_Kapowski: Dogs that belong to homeless people must think "just say you're sorry dude and we can sleep inside tonight"
@MaryKoCo: No, my kid didn't do the drawings I have up around my desk. I did them. It's my desk.
@GuyEndoreKaiser: Thirty years ago, Marco Rubio was bitten by a radioactive doormat.