@MsCassieDaniels: Canada's got it right, when they don't want a citizen, they just convince them they have talent so they move to the US. #JustinBeiber
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@slimmy_shady: Me: "Get me a newspaper."Friend: "Don't be silly. Here. Borrow my iPad." Poor spider never knew what hit it.
@cloudypianos: Obama: Please don't talk to me until I've had my morning cup of Joe. Joe: no please no more. Obama: shut up Joe. *takes a sip of Joe*
@batkaren: We've secretly replaced Janet's coffee with melatonin capsules. Let's see if— okay yeah, she noticed. She looks pissed. Sleepy, but pissed…