@TheCatWhisprer: Can't believe how divided we've become over an election. It's not like it's the color of a dress or something.
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@TheGabbieShow: that horrifying moment when a kid asks u to help find his mom bc he was always told if he was lost to ask a grownup & u realize ur a grownup
@ninjabaconpizza: My wife saw someone kill horses in Minecraft and she is making me build a Minecraft memorial for dead Minecraft animals.
@rachelle_mandik: CHILD: goodnight earth, goodnight stars, goodnight orb MOM: no it's goodnight moon, honey ORB: t h i s c h i l d w i l l b e s p a r e d
@dubstep4dads: Me: sorry I rode a giraffe to your grandmas funeral Friend: what? that's not a giraffe Me: sorry I'm on drugs at your grandmas funeral