@ceejoyner: Can't you just live in the moment, Phil? Every time we kill a bison or light a fire you have to draw it in a cave with your fancy stick.
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@EJGomez: if ur getting chased by a bunch of drunk 90's kids just yell out "in west Philadelphia born & raised" then u got like 2 min to run
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Friend: you’re so lucky you don’t have a job Me, a stay-at-home mom, now with one less friend: so lucky
@faizziy: Apparently "The WiFi signal is the strongest there" isn't the right answer when the boss asks "Why are you spending so much time in toilet?"
@huntigula: if I accidentally respond "you too" after a fast-food clerk tells me to enjoy my meal, I shove some fries in their mouth so it isn't awkward