@TheTweetOfGod: Capitalism is controlled by an "invisible hand" that gives most people the invisible finger.
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@ElgatoEsmio: My new dentist called me back in to make another mold of my teeth. Needless to say he made a terrible 1st impression.
@TylerLinkin: On date night my wife took me to a place where you make your own pottery. I made an urn.
@LegoGodzilla: I've learnt a lot from the movies over the years, such as how to count using Roman numerals... I, II, III, IV, V, Balboa.
@trevso_electric: When your girlfriend is PMS'ing, cheer her up by showing her that "totally weird" text you got from your ex last night.