@TheTweetOfGod: Capitalism is controlled by an "invisible hand" that gives most people the invisible finger.
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@squirrel74wkgn: [at store] Salesperson: May I help you? Me: Yes, I need something really nice that my wife can exchange next week
@BlackJerms: Rappers reintroduce themselves on their songs but you expect me to remember who you are because we met a couple of days ago? LOL
@ShalyahEvans: Henry VIII would be glad to know that in a post-Game Of Thrones world he actually seems pretty chill
@CharmandBrains: A required corporate training course said to build strong relationships. Also, HR told me it's "inappropriate" to kiss strangers.