@AristotlesNZ: Car broke down. Seen enough Man vs Wild to survive. 20mins later when the tow truck showed up I was drinking urine out of a poodle's skull.
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@Reverend_Scott: Superman's Google searches: "Strongest hero" "Strongest hero. Not Hulk" "Fastest hero" "Fastest hero. Not Flash" "Phone booth for sale"
@dinokitten: "Dude go make the first move on her!" "Okay fine, but I'm not too sure what I'm doing." *approaches girl* "Knight to f3"
@ewfeez: Whenever a guy named Stephen tries to tell me what to do I shout, "you're not my real hen!" and run away
@thatdutchperson: Clerk: Why do you need 200 condoms? Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks* *Spends night making balloon animals