@IGotsSmarts: "Careful, there's poop on the dance floor." - how ballet was invented.
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@SondraDeeMe: [sex in car] ME: Remember when you could do this without fear of strangers watching? BF: Yes UBER DRIVER: Would you like a water?
@ben_watt: Just now on tube. Man in rush loses coat draped round shoulders in train doors. Woman retrieves it and calls out 'Batman, your cape.'
@JessObsess: I just wish I was rich enough to be able to throw all of the pots and pans away after I cook.
@moist_jeff: *Young Jesus plays with food* Mary: you're not playing until you finish your bread and fish! *ugh* *touches food* *it multiplies* NOOOOOO!!!