@IGotsSmarts: "Careful, there's poop on the dance floor." - how ballet was invented.
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@No_Job_Joe: My boss just fired me because I spent the past 45 minutes taking a crap. I don't see why he can't just clean it off his desk, and move on.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Feel free to name your next kid after me. Coworker: Why would I name my kid “Giant Douchebag?”