@Henry_3k: Carefully choosing my grocery check out line based on the back of who's head I want to beam hate into for the next 15 minutes.
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@NoTheOtherJohn: Me: Jesus. Get the kids inside Wife: What's wron- Me: *running* JUST GET THE DAMN KIDS INSIDE [a bee flies off of the lens of my binoculars]
@slimmy_shady: Retweet if you're naughty! Star if you love Jesus! Reply if you'd like to meet him!
@WheelTod: Cement your reputation as the office Romeo by committing suicide over an underage girl you've been seeing for less than a week.
@MollySneed: [first date] I just love that you are a normal, cool girl. *subtly slides macaroni art of your face back under my chair* -Yeah, totally.