@geowizzacist: Me: Everything ok? My 4yo (in the next room giving the carpet a haircut): Yep.

@Madame_Royale: I'm in so much trouble. My twitter crush found out about my boyfriend and now they're both on their way to tell my husbands.

@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Dance like nobody's watching. Do the dishes like nobody's watching. Change into that robe like nobody's watching. No, the other one.

@daemonic3: DOCTOR: You should lose some weight ME: Ok I'll consider it VET: Your dog should lose some weight ME: Hey bud, you're going on a diet!

@koalaslament: I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they're in the middle of a race.