@audipenny: *carries 11 bags of groceries and like a whole mattress on one arm and my phone in my free hand*
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@AndrewNadeau0: ME: I just feel like sometimes you take me for granted. MY CAT: I literally have no idea who you are.
@Dutch_50: Seems I can never find good brussels sprouts at the store, so I decided to grow them myself. Turns out I don't like brussels sprouts.
@Shock_Monster: "Hey, let's get the guys that built the Obamacare website to update our app!" - Twitter