@omgthatspunny: Cartoonist found dead in home . Details are sketchy.
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@lovemydogduck: My nephew had his first day of kindergarten yesterday. I told him he gets to go back tomorrow. He said No thank you. I won't be going back.
@jasonlight73: I like to cover my tracks by ending all my Google searches with the word "hypothetically"
@GrantTanaka: [calls home] son: hello me: hi, put mom on the phone son: I can't me: why son: she's too heavy