@omgthatspunny: Cartoonist found dead in home . Details are sketchy.
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@bridger_w: I wish there was enough room on TV for another show called Judge Judy, but where people just stood around criticizing a woman named Judy.
@TheTweetOfGod: Since yesterday was the National Day of Prayer, today must be the National Day of Disappointment.
@SortaBad: Priest: Do you take this woman to be your wife? Me: "I do" Priest: Ok can you say it again without using finger quotes while you do it
@TheCiscoKidder: Wife: Go out for breakfast? Me: Sure! Wife: Ok, let me shower first. *showers, dresses & puts on makeup* Me: Where should we have lunch?