@sammontgomery: Cashier at McDonalds said "See you later" a little too smugly at breakfast. I did not appreciate her condescension and told her so at lunch.
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@meat_tornado_: write your suicide note in frosting on a cake so no one can eat it and people will still hate you even though you are dead
@RastaHipsta: Mission Impossible? He's done four of them now. Let's call it "Mission Pretty Hard but Ultimately Doable"
@DaddyJew: 7: I failed my test Me: you tried your best 7: I got distracted by a dog outside and rushed everything Me: happens to the best of us
@LoveNLunchmeat: upon my death: 1. tell my kids I loved them 2. give my daughter my jewelry 3. leave french fries in my coffin, just in case