@sammontgomery: Cashier at McDonalds said "See you later" a little too smugly at breakfast. I did not appreciate her condescension and told her so at lunch.
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@Sassafrantz: [stops during sex] If you spin my fanny pack around, there's sandwiches in there. Help yourself.
@Brianhopecomedy: Took my 3 year old to a lot of historic sites and whale watching today. Asked what her favourite part was and she said, "The M&M's".
@MissNaughty1801: My mother in law:did you put the weight on? Me:no...actually I've lost some. You should have seen me month ago. I looked like you
@Brianhopecomedy: On my 5 year old's report card it said, "He is encouraged to ask more questions". ARE YOU KIDDING ME.