@sammontgomery: Cashier at McDonalds said "See you later" a little too smugly at breakfast. I did not appreciate her condescension and told her so at lunch.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DanMentos: [first date] *pointing indiscriminately* "uh-oh looks like we're on the Kiss Cam" there's no- *leans in* there's no Kiss Cam at Applebees
@LuvPug: Nobody ever talks about how effective letting dogs sleep in your bed is for birth control.
@dafloydsta: FRIEND: Women like an adventure ME: Okay [later on phone] ME: Are you having fun? DATE: *clearly upset* YOU LEFT ME IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
@QwertyJones3: [Blue whale documentary] This monster can eat 40 million fish in a day. Whale looking directly into the camera: Yeah I'm kind of a foodie.