@BoscoPorter: Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of shit?"
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@SortaBad: Priest: Do you take this woman to be your wife? Me: "I do" Priest: Ok can you say it again without using finger quotes while you do it
@AaronFullerton: I bet the frankincense guy was all like, "Let's put the three items in one gift basket and the basket can be from all of us."
@Ristolable: Every time you get a haircut, you're essentially returning your last haircut and exchanging it for the exact same thing