@BoscoPorter: Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of shit?"
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@MenHumor: Nothing says I have faith in god like the six inches of bullet proof glass on the popes car.
@briangaar: *turns down the lights* Girl this is going to be a magical night *dumps legos on bed* ok first we need to separate these by color
@JillBidenVeep: Joe: I'm going to ask Donald if he wants something to eat Barack: That's nice, Joe Joe: And then I'm going to offer him knuckle sandwiches
@KindOfASmartass: I hate when you tell someone you're bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you're not quite that bored