@ScottLinnen: Cats are just fuzzy plants that hate you.
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@SatansTongue: (First date) Me: Don't let her know you're a satanist Her: So what do you do for fun? Me: ＷＨＡＴＥＶＥＲ ＴＨＥ ＤＡＲＫ ＬＯＲＤ ＣＯＭＭＡＮＤＳ
@DomBorrett: I wish I'd worked to learn another language. Only so I'd be more believable when I use language barriers as an excuse to not talk to people
@reczit: I'm afraid of people who keep smiling all the time. I feel like they still have plenty of space left for more bodies in their basement.
@Izianikapani: Construction sites are dangerous places. I nearly blacked out holding in my stomach as I walked past one.