@thatRamosgirl: Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
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@Ivsy01: You know when motorcyclists give a little wave to each other, I do that when I see someone else eating in their car.
@online_rat: my landlord charged a pet fee for the ants in my kitchen. i need $48,000,000 by friday or im evicted. how did he count them they are so fast
@xlpaws: I hate it when people show up at MY house, knock on MY door, and then ask me why I'm not wearing pants.
@freypalm: Me: [to cat] HEY! GET YOUR PAW OUTTA THAT FISH TANK, MISTER. Fish: [holding the cat’s paw] Ignore him—he’ll never understand love.