@thatRamosgirl: Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@gtfml: When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
@TheTweetOfGod: The two most popular gifts women receive on Valentine's Day are a box of things that make her fat and a bouquet of things she can watch die.
@JElvisWeinstein: My brain knows that there's a guy doing work on my roof today, but my nervous system keeps acting like the house is under attack.
@MikeCanRant: There are shockingly few security guards at dog shows. You can run out and pet 4 or 5 dogs before they catch you. Last time I pet 8 of them.