@Iwriteforcats: Cats make the best boyfriends because they're soft, loyal, and won't claim they're straight but then turn gay after one lousy date, BRENT!
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@NJPsychDoc: My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his better half. I returned the courtesy by introducing my wife to him as the lesser of two evils.
@curlycomedy: I like when players of opposite teams hug after the game as if to say, "We're all so very, very rich."
@iscoff: Remember, don't stoop to their level. If someone is murdering you, tell them their knife is cool and they're good at stabbing. Be nice