@Iwriteforcats: Cats make the best boyfriends because they're soft, loyal, and won't claim they're straight but then turn gay after one lousy date, BRENT!
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@FirstDateStory: "Went to watch a movie, I was wearing shorts and he swiped his finger on my leg. Later found out he wiped his booger on me"
@Book_Krazy: Boss: Where were you on Friday? Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...
@joeljeffrey: My first workout back at the gym was great... I did 15 mins of cardio, 10 mins on the defibrillator, and then 3 days in the hospital.