@Iwriteforcats: Cats make the best boyfriends because they're soft, loyal, and won't claim they're straight but then turn gay after one lousy date, BRENT!
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@internetluke: GOD: welcome to Heaven I will answer any question you want now. ME: why does Target have 25 checkout lanes with only 2 always open? GOD: ...
@TheMichaelRock: Presidents Day was created by big corporations to get you to buy more presidents.
@bridger_w: This year, teach your kids the true meaning of Easter by trapping them in a stone tomb for three days.