@AlexvanBeek: Cats that run under your legs display the same genius as someone walking into traffic.
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@TheRolo: [At a San Francisco Dance Club] *Grinds cute girl in a mini-skirt* Hey baby, what's your name? "Robert"
@MomOfTeen: That was THE best 10 hours of sleep I've ever had. Thanks for asking me to sleep with you! Huh. You look upset.