@lanyardtwerk: Caught my food taking a picture of me. When I confronted it, it said it was for its people blog? What a creep.
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@orange_rhymer: *armadillo comes rolling back in the ball return* "Wait.. if you're here, then..." *cut to wife sobbing at bowling ball* "UNCURL, FREDRICK!"
@joeljeffrey: I skipped leg day at the gym, but don't worry I balanced it out by skipping arm day, chest day, ab day, and back day so I'm good to go.
@murrman5: You've taken 3 pregnancy tests this month. "What's your point" My point is that your shoplifting is odd and out of control Eric.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [sees co-worker the next day after failing to kill him on purge night] mondays am i right?