@lanyardtwerk: Caught my food taking a picture of me. When I confronted it, it said it was for its people blog? What a creep.
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@TheBoydP: Top Five Accountant Taboos: 5. Unreconciled difference 4. Doesn't foot & crossfoot 3. No journal entry support 2. Cooking the books 1. Sex
@dorkwing_duck: Fox Mulder, age 6: *looks under pillow* MOM! IT DISAPPEARED! Mom: the Tooth Fairy took it, dear Fox: you mean... the tooth is out there?
@TomTheWicked: *puts kid in tub* *checks twitter* *forgets about kid* *tweets* *remembers kid* *finds kid-shaped prune floating in tub*
@INDlAN_: *lost in China* Friend: ask that man where we are Me [pretending to speak Chinese with a local]: xian chan sēn F: well? Me: we’re in China