@PaperWash: Caught my son smoking pot then my wife walked in and caught me and our son smoking pot. Anyways I'm grounded.
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@SmartassChef: Nothing freaks me out like when I'm ordering from a Chinese restaurant and I ask "What kind of meat is that?" and they answer "yes"
@RandomlyMJ: Judging from the sounds in my trunk this guy would have had an excellent career as a drummer.
@WilliamAder: Bought a cat collar with a bell on it, and now I can't sneak up on the cat to put it on her.
@cupcakelynda: A 23 yr old girl just said I feel like I see people & I think they're my age then I find out they're OLD!! Like, THIRTY!! So I killed her.